I've almost convinced Andy to write a Christmas-movie screenplay with me. Not an awesome movie like Elf, or Prancer, or The Family Man. But a made-for-TV one (what's not awesome about these!) like Boyfriend for Christmas (pictured above), Christmas Do-Over, or Holiday in Handcuffs. I've told him that it's easy: All we need to do is pick out and incorporate about ten of these Christmas-movie must-contains and we'll be set:
A character named Holly, Mary, Merry, Chris, Kris, Christy, Kristin, Nick, Nicholas, Rudolpha, Carol, Noel, Noelle, or some diminutive of Ebeneezer.
A soldier, sailor, or marine.
A homeless person who is, it is suspected, actually Santa/God/an angel.
A soup kitchen.
A workaholic corporate suit who schedules meetings on Christmas Eve and has clearly forgotten the reason for the season.
A cottage industry/family business in danger of being put out of business by big-box store/urban development/greedy coporation.
A character who pretends to be someone else.
A blizzard that knocks out all forms of transportation or communication.
Two characters who hate each other forced, by the blizzard, to spend the night in a cabin with no utilities and who wind up in love by the next morning.
A stinky, drunk department-store Santa. Who hates kids.
Someone in a Santa suit who stole something who is now being chased by a hundred other people in Santa suits. Through Manhattan.
Santa who falls ill/is too old/has lost hope, and Christmas is in danger of being cancelled.
Santa's son or daughter who must take over his job reluctantly, or with difficult conditions (must marry today by midnight, e.g.).
A child who knows more than all of the adults combined.
Toy freak out: not enough toys, wrong toys, toys lost, toys not able to reach their destinations.
A character who absolutely hates Christmas due to some past loss. Loss occuring around Christmastime.
A character who loves Christmas when everyone else around him/her hates it.
Overworked elf. Lazy elf. Cranky elf. Naive elf. One nice elf.
A character who returns home to find that things have changed. And, in a weird way, stayed much the same.
A character, unlucky in love, who returns home to find their high-school sweetheart conveniently unmarried.
A deer. Could be reindeer. Could be Rudolph.
Right? Now, which ten, which ten . . . Hmmm.