I've almost convinced Andy to write a Christmas-movie screenplay with me. Not an awesome movie like Elf, or Prancer, or The Family Man. But a made-for-TV one (what's not awesome about these!) like Boyfriend for Christmas (pictured above), Christmas Do-Over, or Holiday in Handcuffs. I've told him that it's easy: All we need to do is pick out and incorporate about ten of these Christmas-movie must-contains and we'll be set:
A character named Holly, Mary, Merry, Chris, Kris, Christy, Kristin, Nick, Nicholas, Rudolpha, Carol, Noel, Noelle, or some diminutive of Ebeneezer.
A widow.
A widower.
An orphan.
A soldier, sailor, or marine.
A homeless person who is, it is suspected, actually Santa/God/an angel.
A soup kitchen.
A workaholic corporate suit who schedules meetings on Christmas Eve and has clearly forgotten the reason for the season.
A cottage industry/family business in danger of being put out of business by big-box store/urban development/greedy coporation.
A character who pretends to be someone else.
A blizzard that knocks out all forms of transportation or communication.
Two characters who hate each other forced, by the blizzard, to spend the night in a cabin with no utilities and who wind up in love by the next morning.
A stinky, drunk department-store Santa. Who hates kids.
Someone in a Santa suit who stole something who is now being chased by a hundred other people in Santa suits. Through Manhattan.
Santa who falls ill/is too old/has lost hope, and Christmas is in danger of being cancelled.
Santa's son or daughter who must take over his job reluctantly, or with difficult conditions (must marry today by midnight, e.g.).
A child who knows more than all of the adults combined.
Stupid adults.
Toy freak out: not enough toys, wrong toys, toys lost, toys not able to reach their destinations.
A character who absolutely hates Christmas due to some past loss. Loss occuring around Christmastime.
A character who loves Christmas when everyone else around him/her hates it.
Overworked elf. Lazy elf. Cranky elf. Naive elf. One nice elf.
A character who returns home to find that things have changed. And, in a weird way, stayed much the same.
A character, unlucky in love, who returns home to find their high-school sweetheart conveniently unmarried.
A deer. Could be reindeer. Could be Rudolph.
Miracle snow.
Right? Now, which ten, which ten . . . Hmmm.
tee hee....
The cheesy made for tv Christmas movies are my faves!
It would be hard to choose from that list. They all have the potential of making classic TV Christmas movies. Maybe you should write more then one.
I laughed myself silly about your post. Those ridiculous made for tv Christmas movies are a guilty pleasure in our house, with "Holiday in Handcuffs" being our new favorite. (Ouch! Hurts to admit it!)
here are my top five:
1. A workaholic corporate suit who schedules meetings on Christmas Eve and has clearly forgotten the reason for the season.
2. A character, unlucky in love, who returns home to find their high-school sweetheart conveniently unmarried.
3. A blizzard that knocks out all forms of transportation or communication.
4. A character who loves Christmas when everyone else around him/hates it.
5. A homeless person who, it is suspected, is actually Santa/God/an angel.
hahahaha....I agree with you but I STILL love the sassy, fluffy, cheezy holiday movies and made for tv movies Have a bless holiday season!
Ha! This is brilliant. I should know, I watch every cheesey Hallmark movie I possibly can during December :o)
That is hilarious, and oh, so very true of made-for-tv movies!
bwhahahaa
"Stupid adults."
Oh please name the main character Mary... but spell it Merry. Ahhh, see how clever? :)
You can't lose! Write up a treatment and I'll shop it around town for you.
You forgot about the cute toy/stuffed animal/action figure that is beloved by the Child Who Knows More Than All the Adults Combined, thus giving the Paulsons an endless stream of merchandising revenue for the next few years. (I will only charge you a small percentage for my contribution of this idea).
Oh wait - I know - perhaps a little stuffed Corgi?? My percentage just went up a bit :)
Oh! Oh! Oh! [Desperately waving hand waiting to be called on!] Don't forget me and "Yes, Virginia" -- "Single mom during holiday time torn between necessity of work and adorable child that needs attention/faith/celebration/cookie-time/fairy friends/the means to do something nice for mom/a way to keep the burglars out of the house/a man for his/her mom -- etc,
In the meantime, you have made me very curious about "Holiday in Handcuffs" which is probably not at all what I'm hoping it is... (spurned first wife arrives at cheating ex's house via the chimney and... well, that's a Lifetime movie, isn't it? Someone call Meredith Baxter!)
ha! I love it! Don't forget the crabby adult whose Christmas spirit is renewed by a do-gooder type little kid.
Did you leave out orphan?
and soldier, sailor or marine?
Your love affair with bad TV never fails to charm me, Ms. Paulson. Hahaha. I love this.
wait, what about the unlikely character that would like to be a dentist?
nah, that's been done.
i definitely agree that "A homeless person who, it is suspected, is actually Santa/God/an angel." needs to be in there. i've already watched maybe 3 or 4 like that.
there's also "homely sales girl at a christmasy department store gets a makeover by an angel to land guy in sports car(maybe boss?)"
That's funny! Except I really do LOVE all of these corny Christmas movies. A couple of weeks ago I went through all of the movies that begin with "Christmas _____" on TiVo and set it to record them. One of these nights I'm going to have a Christmas-watching extravaganza!
And, my favorite is Prancer. I LOVE that movie.
so funny! I admit, I am not a huge fan of Christmas movies. Except for the old ones, of course! :)
I don't own a tv, now I see I'm missing out!
Shhhh, don't tell anyone that I look forward to Falalala Lifetime every year...I know your movie is gonna be there too!
I love this post, and needed the giggles.
And, yes, ELF is my favorite. I wouldn't let my honey erase it after we watched it last week, because I know I'm going to want to watch it again. Sigh.
I love that you love the holidays! Cheers!
We love The Family Man movie! We loaned it to some relatives last year... and sadly, they just didn't appreciate it!
You forgot the "miracle snow." You know, the stuff that starts sparkling down on everyone (extra points if it's in a geographical area that typcially doesn't get any- thereby enhancing the miracle effect) just at the crucial moment.
I would totally write this with you!
You did forget to endanger the North Pole in some way. My favorite way was in the movie where the dad was going to blow up the ice near the North Pole to drill for ice and the kids and mom had to figure out how to save Santa. I really wish I could remember the name of that movie...
Drill for oil... not ice. Duh.