Big Hearts

comments: 156


























The weekend was truly wonderful. In every way. It was a dream come true. I'm continuously overwhelmed by not only the incredible beauty of motherhood but of adoptive motherhood. My life is so full now. It's filled not only with this incredible baby but so many new, extraordinary people in Amelia's birthfamily, who were here on Saturday celebrating the holiday with us. It's filled with so much new love. There is so much love for this precious girl. And it gets bigger and fuller and more beautiful every single day. I wish I had better words to say but I can't even get my arms around it. It all, all of it, pretty much blows me away continuously. I have no expectations. Reality has surpassed anything I could have expected or imagined. Now I just try to do my so-flawed but so-earnest best in every moment, and ride the wave. And it is a grand, most awesome, extraordinary wave. I am so, so blessed.

On Sunday morning Andy and I got cardamom lattes at the coffee shop, just like we did the morning Amelia was born. We went up to the park and walked on the trails and smelled the wet grass and the flowers. We had lunch with my mom and then sat in the yard. It was warm and cloudy, just the way I like it. After my mom left, Amelia conked out in her crib (it was a big weekend), and I sat under the big umbrella out back while it rained softly on the umbrella and the trees and all of my new flowers he planted for me last weekend. It was a warm rain. We ate Chinese take-out under the umbrella and the tree while it rained, and we talked about everything.

I send a wish out for everyone who wants to be a mother. I wish you, especially you, a Happy (belated, sorry — last week was crazy busy!) Mothers' Day. I know that in our hearts we all are mothers, whether our children have arrived yet or not. I always wished that people would say that to me, had seen that in me, during the long years of waiting. There are so many ways to be a mother. And I send a wish out to the birthmothers and -grandmothers, whose hearts are so big and so brave and so strong. I wish you a life filled with as much love as you've given, and you have given, I am very, very sure, much more than you will ever know. I pray that it all comes back to you a thousand-fold. Over and over and over again.


michelle says: May 14, 2013 at 10:07 AM


So beautiful, Alicia.

love love love...

Mary Ellen says: May 14, 2013 at 10:13 AM

Happy First Mother's Day. It sounds like such a beautiful day.

This is so lovely. And even though I have wandered through 50 years childless, I still consider myself a mother to those that come into my life that need mothering. I am so glad that your little one gives you the opportunity to be the wonderful mother that you are to her.

What a wonderful time you had! I love reading that your family has a good relationship with your birth family. We have a similar situation and I'm so thankful for it. Although we live thousands of miles apart we are able to communicate and visit regularly. It's so important not just for our daughter, but for us as well. Happy Mother's Day!

Jenny A. says: May 14, 2013 at 10:32 AM

So wonderful to read your heartfelt words, Alicia, and I'm SO happy for you! I had a beautiful Mother's day with my Mom, sister, and my two amazing sweet sons. You are absolutely right, in that the wonderful feelings and emotions of motherhood are too beautiful for words!

I have read your blog for a couple of years and I just love your pictures. The pictures make me happy all day long.

I ache with gladness for you every time I read your blog. I am also an adoptive mother and our adoption was finalized last December. My boys are 11 and 13 and adopting two older children was a challenging way to become a mom. The first year was so, so hard. Yet here we are, two years post-placement and my boys are amazing, resiliant and loving human beings. And I am constantly surprised by my newfound capacity for love and forgiveness. My heart feels so big and so full and so incredibly joyous these days. Just as yours most definitely appears to be, too. Happy Mother's Day - to you and to all the women who have nurtured and loved, whether they are called "mom" or not. xo

My very large family all came to my house on Sunday to celebrate Mother's Day and my daughter's graduation from nursing school.I have 5 children and 11 grandchildren.I was busy busy with decorations and food but found my thoughts kept returning to you and your sweet little family. Your very first Mother's Day as a Mother. Oh I just knew your heart was overflowing. I must thank you for all the joy you bring to me here at this most lovely and peaceful place.You are very special to me. Happy Mother's Day.

Linda in Waterloo says: May 14, 2013 at 10:48 AM

Happy Mother's Day to you. Something so sacred, as this sharing of a baby, seems predestined. It is mysterious how your paths crossed, but again, it seems meant to be. Kudos to everyone for such greatness of spirit! Special indeed!

Lovely, you have a beautiful baby!

Happy, happy Mother's Day to you, Alicia!! I, too, waited a long time for motherhood. I'm so thrilled for you and sweet Amelia!

That last picture. Oh I am just so happy for you! I have tears in my eyes as I'm writing this. Happy Belated Mother's Day!

(and thanks so much for including a shot of your backyard. i seriously think it is A Perfect Place.)


So very beautiful and love your way with words! Blessings to you and your's!!

M. Michael Payne says: May 14, 2013 at 10:56 AM

Yes, it was a great Mother'd Day weekend with all my grandkids and I want you to know how much we appreciate having you as a mother for Amelia. That you include us all is such a blessing you have no idea. Adopting a child is a wonderful event but losing a child to adoption can be heartbreaking for a grandparent and we were so worried what would happened to our grandbaby. You and Andy are truly answers to prayer. Godsent. Thank you so much for being there and open to letting us participate. You assure us over and over that you are going to be great parents to that little girl. Thank you for letting us in for those moments that are precious to us all. Love to you all three of you. michael

Heather says: May 14, 2013 at 10:58 AM

Alicia, I thought of you on Sunday. I thought of how happy you must be to have your little girl...each day is Mother's Day isn't it? I've been visiting your blog for years and just LOVE your honest writing, your creativity, your passion for life, and all your beautiful pictures showing snippets of your life. Thank you!

Thank you so much for your words full of love. I got to know that I was expecting a baby on my 33rd birthday, when I thought that I wouldn't have the joy of motherhood in my life. With all my worries and doubts and questions, I am secretly hoping that everything will be fine.
I am following your blog from so far away from you, but I feel connected through the pictures and your words full of beauty and wisdom. Wishing you a blessed Mother's Day as well.

Such a lovely message and well said~ Happy Mother's Day to you too!!!

What a beautiful post.

You, and Amelia... yes.
What a dear Mothers' Day.
I have always seen in you
a woman who loves like a mother,
who nurtures everyone within her
gaze, and beyond. Mothers, and motherhood,
thank God, comes in many ways.
And I am so happy this special, personal
experience has come into your lives.

Aw, Michael's post made me cry! How very, very giving of you to share Amelia~something many would have an extremely hard time doing! I think Amelia is so blessed to be loved by so many people; including us unknown people who are getting to enjoy seeing her grow up, and loved in such an awesome home with such giving, caring, creative, loving people! And yes, I know I repeated some words more than once, but seriously, that is just the way it is!!! I say Michael is correct~God sent!

While neither of us is a mother, a friend passed a lovely thought along to me--"wishing you a very happy Mom's Day! I think we have all mothered someone in our lives, so celebrate your gifts of love that you have given."
I always celebrate my own mother and those who have mothered me on this day--it is so much about honoring others rather than looking for something for yourself.
Thanks for a lovely post Alicia

You are a darling, darling, girl. Much love to you! xoxo

Just so lovely....

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About Alicia Paulson


My name is Alicia Paulson
and I love to make things. I live with my husband and daughter in Portland, Oregon, and design sewing, embroidery, knitting, and crochet patterns. See more about me at