Big Hearts

comments: 156


























The weekend was truly wonderful. In every way. It was a dream come true. I'm continuously overwhelmed by not only the incredible beauty of motherhood but of adoptive motherhood. My life is so full now. It's filled not only with this incredible baby but so many new, extraordinary people in Amelia's birthfamily, who were here on Saturday celebrating the holiday with us. It's filled with so much new love. There is so much love for this precious girl. And it gets bigger and fuller and more beautiful every single day. I wish I had better words to say but I can't even get my arms around it. It all, all of it, pretty much blows me away continuously. I have no expectations. Reality has surpassed anything I could have expected or imagined. Now I just try to do my so-flawed but so-earnest best in every moment, and ride the wave. And it is a grand, most awesome, extraordinary wave. I am so, so blessed.

On Sunday morning Andy and I got cardamom lattes at the coffee shop, just like we did the morning Amelia was born. We went up to the park and walked on the trails and smelled the wet grass and the flowers. We had lunch with my mom and then sat in the yard. It was warm and cloudy, just the way I like it. After my mom left, Amelia conked out in her crib (it was a big weekend), and I sat under the big umbrella out back while it rained softly on the umbrella and the trees and all of my new flowers he planted for me last weekend. It was a warm rain. We ate Chinese take-out under the umbrella and the tree while it rained, and we talked about everything.

I send a wish out for everyone who wants to be a mother. I wish you, especially you, a Happy (belated, sorry — last week was crazy busy!) Mothers' Day. I know that in our hearts we all are mothers, whether our children have arrived yet or not. I always wished that people would say that to me, had seen that in me, during the long years of waiting. There are so many ways to be a mother. And I send a wish out to the birthmothers and -grandmothers, whose hearts are so big and so brave and so strong. I wish you a life filled with as much love as you've given, and you have given, I am very, very sure, much more than you will ever know. I pray that it all comes back to you a thousand-fold. Over and over and over again.


What a beautiful, heart-warming post. Just lovely. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Big hugs to you.

Hi Im not sure that i have ever commented before and i have just realised it has been over 8 months since i visited your blog! I would like to wish you a very belated congratulations as i opened your blog i wondered if you had been blessed with a little bundle yet. when i saw the pics i instantly had to look back through your posts and my heart warmed and my eyes became wet as i read your news. I am so happy for you and your family. a month before your baby was born i was having my 3rd baby girl the 13th 0f sep 2012. I cant stop smiling to know your heart and home are full. much love xx

oh, I have missed you, Alicia. I've been writing 12-14 hours a day (but only 6 on weekends), finishing my dissertation. It's been an exhausting and emotionally draining experience, particularly since my professor/mentor/subject of my dissertation just passed away on the 3rd (it still feels like it only just happened ... some days I can't believe it really has happened). Tonight, while I await the dreaded email from my advisor with the next round of edits, I'm catching up on your blog - and this post. This post. You are so good, so warm, so wonderful and so full of love - and you are so generous, the way you pour this love out here for the world. I can't tell you what a long way your warmth and generosity go to assuaging a heart that is more than a little battered these days. I'm all choked up again, reading this, and so happy - so very happy - to think how very close I am to finishing this and being able to rejoin the communities that are growing around each special child (so many now) my friends are raising. Thank you - you've been a lifeline throughout my entire graduate school education, from BA to PhD. Can you believe it? I am just so, so grateful that you are out there in the world, sharing your life and your good heart with all of us, and so very happy for you and Andy and Amelia.

Your dog looks nice and comfortable and there is nothing better to be rugged up inside on a rainy day. Beautiful pictures as always. Regards Kathy A, Brisbane, Australia

your story makes my heart weep with joy for you, and gives me such hope.

Beautiful Alicia!!! Amelia is so blessed...:)


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About Alicia Paulson


My name is Alicia Paulson
and I love to make things. I live with my husband and daughter in Portland, Oregon, and design sewing, embroidery, knitting, and crochet patterns. See more about me at