Big Hearts

comments: 156


























The weekend was truly wonderful. In every way. It was a dream come true. I'm continuously overwhelmed by not only the incredible beauty of motherhood but of adoptive motherhood. My life is so full now. It's filled not only with this incredible baby but so many new, extraordinary people in Amelia's birthfamily, who were here on Saturday celebrating the holiday with us. It's filled with so much new love. There is so much love for this precious girl. And it gets bigger and fuller and more beautiful every single day. I wish I had better words to say but I can't even get my arms around it. It all, all of it, pretty much blows me away continuously. I have no expectations. Reality has surpassed anything I could have expected or imagined. Now I just try to do my so-flawed but so-earnest best in every moment, and ride the wave. And it is a grand, most awesome, extraordinary wave. I am so, so blessed.

On Sunday morning Andy and I got cardamom lattes at the coffee shop, just like we did the morning Amelia was born. We went up to the park and walked on the trails and smelled the wet grass and the flowers. We had lunch with my mom and then sat in the yard. It was warm and cloudy, just the way I like it. After my mom left, Amelia conked out in her crib (it was a big weekend), and I sat under the big umbrella out back while it rained softly on the umbrella and the trees and all of my new flowers he planted for me last weekend. It was a warm rain. We ate Chinese take-out under the umbrella and the tree while it rained, and we talked about everything.

I send a wish out for everyone who wants to be a mother. I wish you, especially you, a Happy (belated, sorry — last week was crazy busy!) Mothers' Day. I know that in our hearts we all are mothers, whether our children have arrived yet or not. I always wished that people would say that to me, had seen that in me, during the long years of waiting. There are so many ways to be a mother. And I send a wish out to the birthmothers and -grandmothers, whose hearts are so big and so brave and so strong. I wish you a life filled with as much love as you've given, and you have given, I am very, very sure, much more than you will ever know. I pray that it all comes back to you a thousand-fold. Over and over and over again.


you put the feeling of being a mum into words perfectly. Absolutely perfectly.

Sleeping baby .. just precious :O)

What a beautiful post. Thanks much too for giving me words to say to those 'moms who are waiting'. :) You are all so blessed to have found each other. :)

Lee Ann says: May 14, 2013 at 11:41 AM

My heart just swelled!

Just beautiful, as always. Thank you so much for that last part. It makes me feel good about becoming a dog-mommy again today, and at being thirty and choosing to wait for human children, and all of it. Thank you.

your weekend looked to be lovely ... i wish there were greeting cards for those that wished to be mothers ... because 'we are all mothers' ... so happy you are happy

Happy Mother's Day, Alicia.

such beautiful words you write....happy first mothers day to you..x

Happy first Mother's Day, Alicia. It really is an amazing thing, after such a long time, isn't it?

I wish we could have shared our day with J&A's first-family, but it's not to be...yet. I hope someday they are a part of our lives in flesh-and-blood the way they are a part of our lives in our hearts. xo

I have nothing amazing to say, but you moved me to tears so I felt I had to say something. I am so pleased for you all. Such love. x

Happy First Mother's Day :)

Gretchen says: May 14, 2013 at 12:24 PM

That curry looks delicious! Can you share the recipe?

I am so so happy for you! Motherhood is a wonderful thing!

We have two children by birth but are hopeful to adopt in the near future. It's been so very hard to wait though...almost 2 years and counting. Most days I'm okay but then I see a squishy,rosy-cheeked baby and I just want to scream from impatience!

Belated Happy Mom's Day to ya.

We just added a new little one to our family on Thursday!

Ok, I know I should be focusing on the Mother's Day message, but I'm dying to know more about that soup! (The swirly piping on the crumble is gorgeous too)

I thought of you on Sunday. I'm so glad your weekend was wonderful. Treasure every minute - it goes so fast.

This is so beautifully heartfelt. Thank you for sharing.

Therese says: May 14, 2013 at 12:57 PM

How beautiful you write and how soothing your words are for me. I am not yet a mother, but just as you say, in a way I am and have always been. Best wishes to you and your family!

I thought of you many times last weekend, and could only imagine your first Mother's Day with Amelia. My husband and I were in Portland, enjoying and exploring, using your list of things to do and places to see to guide us. Glad it was wonderful for you. For me, motherhood has been an experience too wonderful for words, and the best thing that ever happened to me. I wish the same for all the future mothers, also.

I adore your blog but haven't commented before.... I just wanted to let you know what a beautiful, moving post this is. And to wish you a happy Mother's day.

What beautiful words! I always stop to think of the pain of all those who wish to be mothers but can't for some reason. Mothers Day needs to find a way to include those who are already missing out on so much. I am so happy for you. Your daughter is one of the luckiest little girls in the world. To be blessed with both a biological and adoptive family is truly a miracle. I still pray for that other little girl.

Happy Happy Mother's Day, Alicia, you have been blessed beyond description. As have all women.

Karen P. says: May 14, 2013 at 01:29 PM

Beautifully said, Alicia... We are awaiting the birth of our son/daugher-in-law's twins any day. It's been a long, often discouraging journey for them so we are very thrilled! So, so, SO happy for you and your family! xo

Happy First Mother's Day, Alicia. I loved that you included a photo of you and Amelia. Beautiful. And I was so taken that Mr. Payne wrote as well. Lovely.

My first Mother's Day was with a newborn and my mom. Very emotional.

Glenn Bliss says: May 14, 2013 at 01:36 PM

I am so happy for you. Every time I look at your blog and this baby love it makes me happy all over, and for the whole world!

Way to make me weep. The last paragraph, so beautiful, so lovely. You said it perfectly.

Happy Mother's Day.

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About Alicia Paulson


My name is Alicia Paulson
and I love to make things. I live with my husband and daughter in Portland, Oregon, and design sewing, embroidery, knitting, and crochet patterns. See more about me at